I feel a sense of dullness take over my soul, where there should be feelings of sorts. I haven't felt anything but fear, trepidation, annoyance and darkness for a long time, and even now, what I feel is merely...nothing. Like: where are the feelings? Where is myself?I know that the fear is there: I still feel it every night, every morn, before I have to come to work. I know that this long into the internship, I should have more confidence that I can handle things, if not adequetly, then at least swimmingly, and struggle through.

But that knowledge doesn't console me. Heh. Strangely so. But oh well, not that I can really do anything about it, right? Strangely enough, I feel a palpable sense of fear whenever I think of affections. I hope it's not another case of the situation with V. Because, this time, I've dissected my feelings enough and sieved through them enough to know that no, it isn't desperation, nor false affections: I truly care for him.So why...why in the one and many universes am I having these feelings at affections expressed? Is it simply my nature that I'm afraid of affections? Or am I afraid simply that the affections are false? *sighs* After we got together, I realized that day after day, almost all of my thoughts and posts are on him, on relationship, on feelings, on expression etc. This really shouldn't be the way, should it? Things shouldn't have to be so complicated, does it?

Maybe I AM just thinking too much and psycho-analyzing too much into everything. I know that I tend to over-think by a lot, and it's like...yeah well, I dunno. Sometimes, analyzing too much, or analyzing with a "wrong" angle can cause the doubts to surface, and create false thoughts where there are no falseness.

I think I should give him more respect and more trust than that. I think he deserves more trust and more appreciation than I'm currently giving him.

Gah. One day more to the end of the week. ONE DAY. Then FIVE WEEKS more! *sighs* I feel so tired already. These few days have just been RUSH, RUSH, RUSH throughout the whole day of work, with little reprieve and chance for breathers. I'm either rushing newsletters, or rushing Flashes for people from other departments, or rushing articles, or rushing research, or rushing for booking hotel rooms and restaurants. I really need some time to slow down and not feel so strained cuz I don't have a chance to breathe.