S.W said that it was surprising he and I got together, that she thought we were an odd couple because I didn't seem like the type who needed guys/anyone. Her opinions don't matter to me.

But what struck me was the idea of: I didn't seem like the type who needed anyone/guys.

Honestly? That's pretty true...not totally, but very much so.

For years, all whom I'd relied on was myself, and Bruce. And that was pretty much it. I was emotionally independent...very independent. And I was that way for about eight years. For some reason or other, though, I slowly grew to realize what loneliness was, perhaps because of my severe depression. I found that I kept needing a lot of things I never needed before, which I scoffed at before. I needed a lot of freedom, a lot of support, a lot of company.

What truly changed?

Maybe I "grew up." Maybe I learnt too much what the darkness was, and it overtook me, and I needed help to combat it. Maybe it's just hormones, puberty. Maybe it's this, maybe it's that...too many maybes. What can I really know, right? Do I really need him, though? Good question. Why did I even get together with him in the first place? Better question. Do I want to remain with him? The billion-dollar question.

I don't really *need* him, per se. But he helps to ease my burdens a little, just by being there. He helps to hold the darkness at bay sometimes, for me to catch a little rest. He helps just by understanding and not judging. But these feel like such selfish reasons I really don't know if that gives me the right to be still together with him. I mean, it's just me, me and me. Though, perhaps to be fair, I do care for him a lot also. I want him to be happy, and most of all, I want him to heal properly and fully. I don't want him to be so pained and so hurt anymore, and if I can help him heal properly, I will do so, even at my own costs.

I realized I haven't answered my question: do I really need him/a guy/someone? Honestly? No, I don't think so. But life will be a lot easier going through with help from someone.