Friday, December 02, 2005

I finally told him: about how, in the end, if things ever got to the point of marriage, I'm really sorry, but I know where I stand with my beliefs, and I don't think I can accept and/or convert to Islam.

I can learn, yes. And I can respect the religion itself, and that he believes in it; but I cannot accept it myself.

Now, knowing where I stand and having made my stand, this relationship has been made into a cul-de-sac, simply because Islamic laws require one party to convert in a marriage. I've heard that if they don't have kids, the female doesn't have to convert, but honestly, I don't know how true it is, and I don't know if he can accept that I won't convert even as I (might) live with him.

Do you still want to be with me then?

Yes, yes, I do.

He wants to try things out. The point of this relationship for him is that both of us don't regret: especially in the fact that things might never work out if we never did try in the first place.

That's true, yes. But well, I dunno. If I had to choose between regretting, and not feeling the pain of separation down the road, I don't know which one I will take. I don't know if I'm strong enough to face the pain, to face new pain, even if I'm used to holding it deep.

He wants to try. And I guess, for his sake (and yes, I do want to try as well), I'll do so, too. And, if nothing else, if I find my feelings for him being impeded because of the cul-de-sac, help him heal as a person, me as a shaman.